Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
