Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
