census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
