If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
