well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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