my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You can't just leave with hair like that
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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