my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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