If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
