so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
