If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Two words: nipple clamps
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