Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
