I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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