So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
