On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
