And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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