dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
