I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my sisters under your porch take her home
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
