Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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