I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
