census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
