Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
