Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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