peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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