The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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