Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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