he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
