??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
