i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am naked and annoyed.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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