TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
