my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
