I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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