Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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