If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
