Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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