There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
