I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
