During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
