Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize