you guys were way drunker than both of me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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