Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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