Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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