she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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