Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
