As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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