I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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