I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
