My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
