Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
