they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry about my life...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
