just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
