Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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