New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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