She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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