Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
