He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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