So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
