Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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