Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
